Happy New Decade

http://kalman.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/12/31/by-george/

The pursuit of happiness blog linked above is incredible. Random yes, but somehow it feeds into my theme.

I have been blown away this week by the creativity of others and I am feeling inadequate, lazy.

I read the book "Unless" by Carol Shields. The main character ponders the concept of "goodness" because her daughter has chosen to be homeless and sits on a corner of Toronto every day wearing sign with the word "GOODNESS" on it. The main character is an author and in the process of writing a book and she has three daughters and a happy marriage. The edition I have also has some information about Ms.Shields. Turns out she was writing the book as she was dying of breast cancer. The book was so well written I forced myself to slow down. Those of you who know me, know I am a speed reader known to gloss over the details. I cried when I finished it.

Did I cry because it was sad. No, not really, though it was kind of sad. Did I cry because it was such a great book? No. I cried because it made me feel that I will never, ever, be capable of writing a book like that! Why!?!? Well, sometimes I think it is simply because I am too darned lazy to do research. I may also not be disciplined enough, though my discipline in athletics should carry-over, right? OK, and my mommy-ADD has to take some of the blame. Oh wait, Carol Shields raised more kids than I did, but it was in Canada and everyone knows they are much more sensible than us driven Americans.

So I cried over a book, fiction. But what you need to know is I was, overall, so happy these past two weeks and being the over-analytical type I have been wondering why (back to pursuit of happiness). No work, that is always nice. Cleaned out some closets, slept alot, read some books, finished some puzzles, skied, and spent time with family and friends. Why can't life always be like this??? Would we appreciate it if it were? Do we really need the bad to appreciate the good?Would goodness exist without badness? I say yes. Do I need a not-great job to appreciate my time off? Perhaps. Enough self-serving philosophizing, on to 20-10.

So as I ponder the previous year I feel like the coming one cannot compete.I finished my Masters and ran an amazing marathon, two biggies on my bucket list. What's next? This year I need to find a full time job so we can support the higher education of our children. I want my work to not induce dread, like my teaching is somewhat this year. I guess I am in pursuit of happiness but also goodness. I want to do good and "enjoy" it. Teaching ESL, giving my marginalized students a voice, usually makes me feel like I am doing good. However, we all know work is work, but I feel like there has to be a little more joy than I am experiencing in my work right now. Some would say I am not grateful enough. I am truly glad to have a job and a teaching schedule is wonderful. I am just not sure I can do it full time and maintain sanity and fitness (which is part of my sanity).

Well, according to the blog linked above, I need to savor the moment. OK, I just had a good workout, good breakfast, and some quiet time to write this...Life is good and I will focus on that. It's all the others in the world suffering that make it hard to enjoy sometimes. I will pray for peace and health for all. May you have what you need today and every day.